Saturday, 30 January 2021

Befuddled by being a grandparent

In August I found out that my son would become a dad at Christmas. 

As I knew they would, and as we had frequently discussed,  his early life experiences, fear and trauma retriggered him so his behaviours and anxieties caused the relationship to breakdown down and this has hugely impacted his mental health. 

Since his daughter has been born, he has been excluded from information and it does not like he will have any contact with her without a fight. His actions have consequences that will affect the rest of his and now her life.

As her grandma this now puts me in a difficult position . How do I support my son to have contact with his daughter and also our side of the family including myself.

Finding out I was going to be a Grandma was exciting and I was looking forward to being part of new life with all the fun and love that being a grandma entails as my mum has experienced for the past 16 years . Now I just feel sad that it's not going to be like that and that a baby girl is now being kept from a family who love her and would love to be part of her life. To  be able to watch her grow and develop as all families should be able to . Knowing what my son has lost through adoption makes me more sad and aware that this should not be happening to her . 

Children and babies should know their families and their family histories and should not have to be excluded from this or need to go seeking answers for themselves when they are old enough or curious .

I am torn between wanting to fight for us to be her life but equally not making things harder and causing conflict with her mother that really doesn't need to be there.

For me this is another side of adoption and trauma that nobody tells you about and that you don't expect to happen . 

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