Saturday, 4 February 2017

Unwanted (?) Contact

So the inevitable has happened. It started with a warning phone call on Thursday to say his birth mum was looking for him on facebook. It's ok thought I, she doesn't know our last name or where we live. Then the shock! A private message from a friend with a screenshot from a buy and sell site in our town. Then another warning from another, there were 4 and I thank those people for looking out for us and understanding the issues. He was tagged by well meaning people who dont understand about the realities of modern adoption and that he was not 'taken' for no reason.

So now we're exposed and so are his younger sibs. Their mum is terrified and devastated in equal measure. She has had a private message from the birth mum and then so have I. Full of excuses and pity for herself, little understanding of how her actions have impacted on mine and me.

She has contacted boy wonder. I'm not sure if he has responded yet as that's another issue of parenting from a distance in that he is not here and I won't see him til breakfast today. I have spoken to him about it but he's quiet and tells me to stop fussing.

He has always been clear that he hates her and doesn't want contact but now she's here how will he respond? I am terrified as now he's in such a better place than even 2 weeks ago. Things are going well and he cant afford for that to change again. I am scared for our relationship that is so good at the minute and that's taken a huge amount of resilience and work.

How will this turn out? I don't know but whatever he decides I will support his decision. He knows that and he knows I am mum whatever happens. I hope x


  1. This is really tough stuff and one of the dark sides of adoption that the ignorant don't understand.
    Look after yourself as you will find a rollercoaster of your own emotions. My advice (in case you want it, if not please ignore) is to honour your feelings fully so they can be processed.
    Boy Wonder will be on his own path and his curiousity will inevitably result in him connecting to BM.
    Please look after yourself. It an added complication to an already challenging world.
    Take Good Care.

  2. ... plus you know how to contact me directly if that's helpful.

  3. Can fully understand your feelings, we are in a similar situation and and worried our kids may contact BM via FB, if you are worried about other siblings can you get a restraining order to protect them, not sure but sounds like your son? Is 18 or older, we have said to ours we will help them find BM if that is what they want when they are both 18 and be there to pick up the pieces, they will have questions etc it is natural but our role is to pick up the pieces when it all falls apart and no matter what you will always be mum.

    Hope this helps if not please ignere.

    Hope all works out for you

    1. Thankyou and you too. It seems she's heeded my warnings and it seems he doesn't want contact. Relief all round x

  4. I'm so sorry that yourself and your family are in such a predicament. If it wasn't for the ignorant life would be much easier wouldn't it? I sincerely hope that your son stays in a good place and is able to deflect the upset caused by selfish individuals. Thanks so much for linking this post up to #Blogstravaganza xx

    1. Thankful. He stayed close for the weekend and hasnt much responded so now shes given up x